Make Your Brain Happy: Earn Your Money

Have you bought that lottery ticket and dreamed of the bliss that big pay-off could yield?  If you have—you are not alone.

But, researchers at Emory University, with too much time on their hands, did a study awhile ago and determined that people who actually earned their money were happier.  So, all you lottery winners and trust-fund babies step aside to those who earn it.  We all thought you were happier, but it seems we working folks are… who knew?

Emory University researchers had measured brain activity in the striatum—that’s the part of the brain associated with reward processing and pleasure.  They had two groups of volunteers.  One group had to work to get their money while playing a computer game and the other group just got money without having to earn it.
The brains of those who had to work for their money were more stimulated.  It seemed the brain was happier.

As a side note—some of the big lottery winners may not be happy because they blow through their winnings at a shockingly fast pace.  Some years ago, Oprah had me do a show about big lottery winners—the people who won over $100,000,000.  We found that the people Oprah had me work with not only squandered their winnings, but went on to declare bankruptcy.  In fact, the stats showed that over 90% declared bankruptcy.  I even coached a man who won over $100,000,000 twice—and blew it! Unfortunately, my advice began with, “What were you thinking? Are you kidding?”  Most of their  issues centered around their fundamental lack of any money savvy and their friends and family expecting and getting a share of the pie. (But twice? Come on!)

Ok, back to the study.  The study did show that people who won the lottery were not happier a year after they won.  We also know from other psychological studies that people get a great deal of satisfaction out of the work they do.  We also know that we were designed to work to obtain the things we need and want.  Without that stimulus, we can suffer from depression.  Take a look at our unemployment rates and the devastating effects it’s had not only monetarily, but in terms of people’s self-esteem.

The moral of the story—America, we want and need to work, we are not looking for the hand-out.  Congress, stop acting like spoiled children (sorry kids, I didn’t mean to insult you) and you need to get back to work and come up with solutions to our job crisis.

Where Do Those Kids Get Those Ideas?

There’s an interesting phenomenon that happens right about the same time that our children turn from our sweet little kids into Freddie Krueger, or monsters from outer space… We start turning into some kind of different creatures, too, often creatures that we don’t approve of all that much.

You know the person I mean. The mom that we smirked and rolled our eyes at in the store when we were teenagers—the one who was only there to buy some light bulbs, but somehow kept adding giant squirt guns, giant boxes of popsicles, and other stuff to her shopping cart as her kids kept goading for more.

And you know the kids I mean—the ones who know exactly what they’re doing. When I wrote Money Still Doesn’t Grow on Trees, I referred to something called the, “nagging factor”. That’s the number of times kids say that they have to nag a parent before he/she will give in and buy them what they want. Guess how many times they have to nag us? The answer is “Nine”.

And face it… kids in a store have nothing better to do with their time… torturing us is almost a hobby, or a way of life. And, if you don’t put a stop to it, you’re supporting the behavior—especially if you’re going to give in.

I know… saying, “no” is a tough. But how about if they nagged, “Gee Mom, I’d really like you to buy me some drugs? Please, please buy them for me?” Obviously, ridiculous… 9 times, 200 times, it wouldn’t matter. Let’s look at this, of course you’d say, “No.” It might make them happy in the short run, but you know the destructiveness in the long run—no choice.

It can be the same thing with material items. Not as awful, but it’s the same thing. Giving something to a child because they nag or beg is pleasurable in the short run to the child—and to you, if you hear, “I love you, Mom. You’re the greatest”—but in the long run it teaches a lesson that you don’t want to teach.

Giving in is all about guilt. We give in to our kids, and later to our teens, because we feel guilty for one reason or another, and pretty soon we’ve become people we don’t much like being.

Where does this guilt come from—especially in the middle of a recession? Let’s look in the mirror and see what messages we are sending to our kids. (In terms of the guilt—I’m a Jewish mother, so I’m comfortable with my genetics—if you’re not, see a professional!)

Saying, “No” is tough—but often necessary. Try it the next time the kids nag. “No” worked for our parents, we wouldn’t have dreamed to keep nagging. If you stick to, “No” and don’t give in and reinforce the “nagging factor” behavior, it should also work for you.

Let me know.

My Personal Look Back on the Anniversary of the Egypt Uprising

“The world is flat,”—a term used by Thomas Friedman.  To me, this means that we are all connected via instant communication.  In 2011, one example of this was global instant connect.  Young people discovered a flat world and found a global voice that said, “This is not okay.”  Of course, the local agendas had different twists, but the overall outcry was touched-off by the same phenomena—unemployment.  2011 was historically marked by the highest rates of unemployment among youth—(24% in Egypt, 50% in Greece, and 18% in the US)—according to Bloomberg Business Week, January 8, 2011.  There was a loss of faith in the system that used to promise our youth good employment after graduation from college.

Last year, I realized the impact of unemployment throughout the world while traveling in Egypt.  On January 27, 2011, I was caught in the middle of the revolt in Egypt. I was shocked by the violence and scared to death that I would be a victim to it.  I was stuck in my hotel, heard gunfire and smelled the smoke of the burning building all while huddled with my colleagues plotting our escape.  I was cut-off from the world.  I got to spend some time with the hotel staff and was equally as shocked at what I discovered.  ALL of the hotel staff—(I’m not talking about management. I’m talking about the people carrying bags to rooms, serving food in the restaurant and assisting behind the desk.)—not only had undergraduate and graduate degrees and spoke several languages, but ALL had two things in common: they couldn’t find any other jobs and they were thrilled to have these jobs.  By the way, they were sympathetic with the revolutionaries, but scared to take part.

What do these people in Egypt, California, New York and Greece have in common?  A crisis of faith in the system.  Listen up, Washington—Republicans and Democrats!  We won’t settle for the death of the American Dream.  We need jobs—NOW!

Dare to Go "Green" in 2012

Use this year’s resolutions to raise consciousness and also to really change your behavior.  We are coming out of one of the worst economic downturns in our lives.  Let’s use 2012 as a “do-over”–a look at our past should help to guide us to make different choices for the future.

There is no better time, then now…2012 will be a little different–we are going to add energy efficiency to our new list this year.  This is the best time to think about the environment and how we can do our part.  Let’s start with what I call, the ECO-Effect™.  This concept combines ECOlogy and ECOnomics together, so we can save money and resources at the same time.  In fact, my new book, ECO-Effect™: The Greening of Money, explains these concepts for parents and kids and gives you activities to help you also “ECHO” these ideas, so that parents talk to kids, to schools, to communities to the world to make it a better place for all living things.  How can you and your kids have your own “ECO-Effect™” for the New Year?  Start by showing your children your utility bills and let them come up with energy saving ideas.  For instance, it may be a good idea to turn lights off when you leave the room, or unplug all of those cell phone chargers and who knew that you don’t actually have to have a lengthy conversation with the refrigerator door opened?  Let the kids start this New Year by tracking the savings each month to really see your ECO-Effect™!

2012 New Year’s Resolutions You Can Take to the Bank

It’s amazing, for all the lip service given to making New Years resolutions, and for the many years human cultures have been observing the amends-making tradition, but then failing to follow through on those goals, you’d think, “abiding by this year’s list” would rank as the most important resolution?

Unfortunately, we fall into our predictable yearly patterns and make – and break – the same old calls to action and behavior modification.  This year is no exception.  At least one recent survey found yet again that “improving general fitness,” and “improve ones financial condition” ranked number one and two respectively as Americans’ most important resolutions.  But if people really stuck to their fiscal guns, the average American saving rate would be rising, not falling, as evidenced by still more data.  After a brief post-recession spike of a 7.1 percent saving rate in mid 2009, those percentages have tumbled to an anemic 3.6 percent – the lowest in four years.

Sticking to your financial goals requires data, discipline, and above all, drive.  Let’s call them the three ‘D’s.

What do I mean when I say data?  Before you and your family can begin to save money, you have to have a better understanding of how and where it’s spent.  It’s easy to estimate broad spending generalities, like assuming that the bulk of your family’s money goes toward the mortgage and food.  But what are the specifics?  The holiday season is a time of year when it may feel like your money is being sucked into a financial black hole; with obligation after obligation and gift after gift bleeding you dry.  Hopefully, you’ve been reading my earlier holiday blog posts this season and have at least begun tracking your holiday expenses.  This is a great start!  Now add to that by carefully tracking all of your expenses.  Your children, too, will benefit from such inclusion.  Track the electric bill, the heating bill, and see how many bags of garbage your family produces in a week.

Once you have a more accurate picture of where your money goes in the first place, your family can begin shifting its direction.  Consider having each family member rank order his or her most important purchases.  Elect to have a family meeting, (maybe after that equally important Sunday family dinner – without the TV blasting) and as a group discuss what can be reduced or eliminated.

Discipline, of course means sticking to the plan.  If, for instance, you’ve begun unplugging electrical devices to reduce the so-called “vampire loads” – the amount of electricity pulled from a wall socket even without plugging in an electrical device – don’t get lazy and start giving up.  Vampire loads add about 10%  to your family’s energy bill.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have that 10% back?  The same goes for your children.  Today’s “always on” marketing and promotional climate makes it difficult for them to tune out commercialism’s noise and choose between needs and wants.  Help them by setting a good example.  Encourage your children to save a given percentage of their quarterly allowance and consider matching those savings for even greater incentive.  Try to see if your children can save more each quarter.

Drive is the more fun cousin to discipline. Once you’ve established a pattern where recognizable savings are apparent, have the drive to continue thinking outside of the box on ways to save.  Whether it’s adding the mini-resolution of never using an ATM that charges a fee, to increasing your paper or mobile electronic couponing, or brewing your own coffee – basic steps like these that can save you and your family thousands a year.

Make the savings process fun for all and just maybe, come next year when it’s time to draft New Year Resolutions list 2013, you will have “saved” at least one of your 10 obligatory spots for something other than getting control of your finances.

You Don't Know How Lucky You Are!

Charity has to be taught, and shown to kids for them to “Get It”.  Yelling the words, “You don’t know how lucky you are!” can seem educational, but they’re really not.  None of us realize how lucky we are.   


“Giving” refers not just to money, but also to you.  On Christmas morning, I used to take my kids into a local hospital to serve meals to elderly people who had nowhere to go.  My kids “Got It”.  My big revelation came when my son, Rhett, was 8-years-old.  We were in a small bodega in New York City so that he could use some of his “Quick Cash” to buy some Tootsie Roll Pops (I was trying to empower him to make his own choices, and was a little liberal on the sugar choice!). 

He had his pops and his money and was standing in line to pay and in front of him was a homeless woman who had a cup of change and an orange.  She dumped out the coins and the owner of the store told her to put back the orange, because she didn’t have enough money.  As she collected the change, my son watched and interrupted and said, “I have my Quick Cash with me and I’d like to buy you the orange, I just need to put back the pops and start to count out my change again.”  


Every eye in the store turned to this little kid.  The woman thanked him and refused to take his money.  Rhett became insistent, saying “I work for my money and I get to choose how I spend it and I want to buy you this orange.  May I?”  Still she was reluctant, but he persevered.  “Don’t you know the rules?” he said.  “This is my money and I chose to buy you the orange, because someday when I don’t have the money, someone will be there to buy me some food.”  


The air was sucked out of the room and filled with sobbing mothers (me included).  The transaction took place, and Rhett joined me in the back of the store, where I was sobbing, “I’m so proud of you for doing this”.  And he said, “You are not supposed to be proud of me when I’m doing something I’m supposed to do.  You are supposed to be proud of me when I do something that I’m not supposed to do!”  Okay, he was right and, yes, the money lessons work!

The Holidays are Here

Our goal is not to repeat the annual gift giving “feeding frenzy” at the holidays. The scene you may remember could have been watching your kids wildly ripping open gifts, hardly looking at each then tearing the next one open. It couldn’t get worse… or could it?  This year, let’s not repeat going into debt the way many people did last year. This holiday season is by far the largest in terms of spending. The total Black Friday spending this year rose 6.6 percent over last year; including online and in-store sales. Online revenue boasted a growth of 24.3 percent over last year. Despite the economy, 2010 spending was an astonishing $135.16 billion, a 5.5 percent increase from 2009. With that trend in mind, 2011 holiday spending is expected to reach an astounding $142.6 billion or more, suggesting we are certainly in a repeat “feeding frenzy.”

It seems that those good ole’ days when gift giving brought a message that “I care about you” are gone.  Wouldn’t you love to instill—or re-instill-- those traditional values in your children?  If you do, you can start by using some of these helpful tips.

First, make sure everyone in the family has a gift-planning calendar. Since you already know the dates of Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza or any other holidays on which your family exchanges gifts, it will be simple to get started creating a calendar. Next, mark birthdays, anniversaries, graduations or any other special events that will require a gift. Your children will want to include their friends’ birthdays, too.

But that is just a start. Knowing when a birthday is coming up is important…but knowing when to begin to save for the gift is just as important.  A “start saving” date should be marked on everyone’s calendar…or in the desktop organizer on the family computer.

Make sure your kids understand the importance of appropriate giving.  An over generous gift can indicate too much need for approval or control, it can embarrass the recipient or it can signal the beginning of unhealthy materialistic competition.

You can explain to kids that parents and grandparents love all gifts equally, no matter how much has been spent on it. And suggest that the kids “pool” their resources to buy one gift for special relatives, each child contributing as much as they can afford based on a percentage of their allowance.

Once your children know how much they’re going to be spending on gifts, they can begin to make a saving schedule.  By dividing the cost of a gift by the number of weeks needed to save for the purchase will help them determine when they should begin to save.  Then they can mark the date on the calendar and set their saving plan in motion.

For those very important gifts–perhaps parents or grandparents–you may want to help your kids get that special gift.  The kids should continue to work towards their goal of saving the money needed to buy something special for Grammy and Grandpa but you can help them with a matching fund. In other words, if they’ve saved diligently according to the saving schedule they’ve set up, you’ll match the total.

Gift giving is mostly about “thoughtfulness.” A gift says, “I care.” It comes through most eloquently by how much thought has gone into the gift’s selection not its price.

And don’t forget you don’t have to spend money on every gift. In fact, you shouldn’t. Some gifts shouldn’t be “money-based.”  Help your children to give “gift vouchers” for something.  And that could be the best gift of all.

“Gift vouchers” can be geared to the recipient’s interests.  Like cleaning golf balls for your favorite golfer, cooking a vegetarian meal for the family vegan or cataloging a collection of baseball cards for your baseball lover.

“Gift vouchers” can be redeemed for running errands to the store, for yard work or for babysitting. One of the best ones was suggested by my own children.  It’s called a “No Fighting Zone” voucher, good for three fights. If my children started squabbling, I pulled out the voucher and the kids had to stop fighting. (P.S… This actually works!)
Let your kids come up with their own ideas for giving, just remember: “I care” and “I love you” never comes with a price tag.