From Helicopter Parents to Free-Range Parents

I grew up in the days of freedom. We rode our bikes to school and met with the neighborhood kids to play after school. We invented games or scavenger hunts and never seemed to be bored. We had to be home at dusk. Mom and Dad looked at our report cards when they arrived and if they got a call from the school …we were in trouble. We were supposed to do our homework, and we did. We were supposed to get good grades, and we did. Life was pretty simple.

Then, we grew up and had kids and the world seemed to get more dangerous (or were we just more aware of the dangers?) Kidnappings, pedophiles, predators praying on our kids. Mom and Dad both working so kids had to be entrusted to others. When parents were home, caring seemed to be shown by hovering. “Who are you playing with? What are you playing? What are you reading? Are you reading? What are you eating? Who are your teachers? Where is your homework? Let’s do it together. Let’s go to: soccer, football, cheerleading, yoga, ballet lessons, chess classes, tutoring, piano practice…(I’m getting nauseous).”

We went from free-range parents to helicopter parents. Ok, we try to balance work and home and kids and family and friends. If it isn’t scheduled, it can’t happen. We all want our kids to grow up to be healthy, self-sufficient, independent, creative kids who are in safe, supervised environments protected from the creeps that are lurking about. Are there areas in our child’s lives where we can give them some freedom so that they can learn to make choices on their own…and equally learn the consequences of those choices on their own? Yup! With money!

Kids today, if we allow them, can earn, save, spend and share money by being independent self-starters who can be empowered to make their own choices. You set down the rules. For instance, have your kids decide what they want to buy. For the younger ones, maybe a small toy, for older ones, it could be a video game or cell phone or iPad. (You must approve of their savings goal.) The challenge is that they have to earn the money to reach their goal. Either you can start them on an allowance doing regular chores – or pick odd jobs for them to do. [Hint: pay by the job, not by the hour.] They can dust, vacuum, weed, water plants, clean windows, sweep floors, brush dogs, stack recycling…let them come up with ideas. They can also earn money by using some of those skills they’ve learned, like teaching other younger kids to play the piano, or soccer, or chess, or do yoga.

Of course you will still supervise, but avoid hovering. If your kid earns the money - they get to buy the item - if they don’t earn the money – they don’t. It’s simple. You can use the same system for them to pick and donate to charity.

This earn and learn system will help balance the helicopter versus free-range parenting. The drawbacks of the helicopter parent is that you create a dependent child who doesn’t know how to be independent, because they were never allowed to be. The free-range parenting drawback is the safety issue that independence in a dangerous world can create.