Where Do Those Kids Get Those Ideas?

There’s an interesting phenomenon that happens right about the same time that our children turn from our sweet little kids into Freddie Krueger, or monsters from outer space… We start turning into some kind of different creatures, too, often creatures that we don’t approve of all that much.

You know the person I mean. The mom that we smirked and rolled our eyes at in the store when we were teenagers—the one who was only there to buy some light bulbs, but somehow kept adding giant squirt guns, giant boxes of popsicles, and other stuff to her shopping cart as her kids kept goading for more.

And you know the kids I mean—the ones who know exactly what they’re doing. When I wrote Money Still Doesn’t Grow on Trees, I referred to something called the, “nagging factor”. That’s the number of times kids say that they have to nag a parent before he/she will give in and buy them what they want. Guess how many times they have to nag us? The answer is “Nine”.

And face it… kids in a store have nothing better to do with their time… torturing us is almost a hobby, or a way of life. And, if you don’t put a stop to it, you’re supporting the behavior—especially if you’re going to give in.

I know… saying, “no” is a tough. But how about if they nagged, “Gee Mom, I’d really like you to buy me some drugs? Please, please buy them for me?” Obviously, ridiculous… 9 times, 200 times, it wouldn’t matter. Let’s look at this, of course you’d say, “No.” It might make them happy in the short run, but you know the destructiveness in the long run—no choice.

It can be the same thing with material items. Not as awful, but it’s the same thing. Giving something to a child because they nag or beg is pleasurable in the short run to the child—and to you, if you hear, “I love you, Mom. You’re the greatest”—but in the long run it teaches a lesson that you don’t want to teach.

Giving in is all about guilt. We give in to our kids, and later to our teens, because we feel guilty for one reason or another, and pretty soon we’ve become people we don’t much like being.

Where does this guilt come from—especially in the middle of a recession? Let’s look in the mirror and see what messages we are sending to our kids. (In terms of the guilt—I’m a Jewish mother, so I’m comfortable with my genetics—if you’re not, see a professional!)

Saying, “No” is tough—but often necessary. Try it the next time the kids nag. “No” worked for our parents, we wouldn’t have dreamed to keep nagging. If you stick to, “No” and don’t give in and reinforce the “nagging factor” behavior, it should also work for you.

Let me know.